Personal Stuff

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Cliff
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Personal Stuff

Post by Cliff »

Hey everyone.

I wasn’t sure if I ever really wanted to post anything about this, but I’ve been on this message board for 20 years so I suppose a certain measure of personal sharing makes sense.

Last July my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and she passed away a month later on August 7th. Mentally for me her absence is too much to measure. She was my best friend and the most incredible mother and teammate you could ever hope to have. In addition to a million other positive adjectives. But at the same time life is moving at a crazy pace. I have to keep up and break down when time permits. In the “real world” outside of my head, I run a small business and have a 4.5 year old, so suffice it to say life and time has been challenging to manage.

I’m not going to get any deeper than that here. Coming here and talking football has been a welcome distraction and I don’t really want to change it into anything else, but I’ve known some of you for over a decade so even if it’s only through football, many of you I consider friends.

Thank you all for (mostly) knowing how to be civil. I wasn’t really paying attention to things around the board for a while. I considered shutting it down because I’m the only moderator left and if I had come in and been made to feel like I was babysitting I probably would have.

I hope you’re all doing well. I hope the Vikings put together a surprise super bowl team this year. SKOL :smilevike:
Fat Stupid Loser
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Fat Stupid Loser »

So sorry to hear, Cliff. I can't imagine.

Praying for healing and peace for you and your family.
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VikingLord
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by VikingLord »

What you went through and are going through makes most of what gets people worked up on this message board a joke by comparison. You have my deepest sympathy and I for one want to let you know how much I appreciate the efforts you put in to making VikingsMessageBoard the place it has been and is.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by makila »

My deepest sympathies Cliff. Thank you for providing a space for us to discuss, and cuss. Think for the most part the main group of current posters here self police well.

It is crazy how much message boards provide an outlet away from reality many of us need.

Thank you.
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Maelstrom88
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Maelstrom88 »

So sorry to hear this Cliff. I can't imagine how hard that was and still is. Thanks for the site and for everything you do here.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by psjordan »

Oh my Cliff, my deepest sympathies. This is a scenario I think of often, and I'm not sure where the fortitude to move on will come from if and when I have to face it. I will think of you and your child often. Thank you for all you've done here for this community.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Raz »

My deepest sympathies has to be a very tuff situation. You have my prayers
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by J. Kapp 11 »

I’ve been asked … if I had a choice, would I want to go first, or would I want my wife to go first?

My answer often shocks people. I’d want her to go first.

Selfish? Uncaring? Hardly.

You are, right now, living the reason. The one left behind has to live with unimaginable pain. And I would never want that for her. There are faith reasons, too, but I’ll respect the board and not go into those.

You are in my thoughts, Cliff. I’m praying for your comfort, for shelter in the storm. And please know that I respect the heck out of the way you moderate this board. Even when we disagree and argue, we don’t have the problems of abusive posts and name calling that other forums do. That is due mostly to you. Thank you.

Hang in there. Hoping the new season brings you a much-needed diversion, and if we’re lucky, some joy.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by allday1991 »

Sending my prayers
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Thaumaturgist
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Thaumaturgist »

Cliff,

I'm so very grateful that you've given us a place to come, chat/complain/cheer about the team we love... At least on most days. I know that not many of us know each other, but I hope I'm not alone in saying I feel like this is my Vikings family. We have our ups and downs, we get annoyed with each other at times, but at the end of the day, we all want what's best for each other.

I've been married 27 years, I can't even imagine what you went through, and have to go through every day. Stay strong for yourself, and for your little one! I know we at times can seem like a bunch of toddlers, so it's good you have experience with that! My thoughts are with you, and if you ever need anything, reach out.
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Cliff
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Cliff »

Fat Stupid Loser wrote: Wed Aug 30, 2023 6:11 pm So sorry to hear, Cliff. I can't imagine.

Praying for healing and peace for you and your family.
Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it.
VikingLord wrote: Wed Aug 30, 2023 6:21 pm What you went through and are going through makes most of what gets people worked up on this message board a joke by comparison. You have my deepest sympathy and I for one want to let you know how much I appreciate the efforts you put in to making VikingsMessageBoard the place it has been and is.
Thank you. Yeah, it definitely changes your perspective. You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoy it here.
makila wrote: Wed Aug 30, 2023 6:39 pm My deepest sympathies Cliff. Thank you for providing a space for us to discuss, and cuss. Think for the most part the main group of current posters here self police well.

It is crazy how much message boards provide an outlet away from reality many of us need.

Thank you.
Thank you. They very much are. It's a pretty small group especially in the off season but even when more people start coming around it's a great community full of respectful people.
Maelstrom88 wrote: Wed Aug 30, 2023 7:42 pm So sorry to hear this Cliff. I can't imagine how hard that was and still is. Thanks for the site and for everything you do here.
Thank you, and you're welcome. It is, but my son keeps me focused and busy. Don't know what I'd do without him.
Raz wrote: Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:43 pm My deepest sympathies has to be a very tuff situation. You have my prayers
Thank you very much.
psjordan wrote: Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:07 pm Oh my Cliff, my deepest sympathies. This is a scenario I think of often, and I'm not sure where the fortitude to move on will come from if and when I have to face it. I will think of you and your child often. Thank you for all you've done here for this community.
Thank you. I think you have to have something that you feel is worth actually moving through life for. I'm not sure when or if I'll "move on", but I'm starting to get "used to it" I guess you could say. My brain is more accepting that she's not coming back.
J. Kapp 11 wrote: Thu Aug 31, 2023 6:27 am I’ve been asked … if I had a choice, would I want to go first, or would I want my wife to go first?

My answer often shocks people. I’d want her to go first.

Selfish? Uncaring? Hardly.

You are, right now, living the reason. The one left behind has to live with unimaginable pain. And I would never want that for her. There are faith reasons, too, but I’ll respect the board and not go into those.

You are in my thoughts, Cliff. I’m praying for your comfort, for shelter in the storm. And please know that I respect the heck out of the way you moderate this board. Even when we disagree and argue, we don’t have the problems of abusive posts and name calling that other forums do. That is due mostly to you. Thank you.

Hang in there. Hoping the new season brings you a much-needed diversion, and if we’re lucky, some joy.
It's something I had thought of before but what I've learned is that it's very contextual. When death was more of an amorphous thing without details I felt the same, but how things actually turned out were so different than "Past Cliff" imagined. Thinking of that question I always pictured me holding her hand at the end of our lives (70s or 80s or 90s even) and she peacefully passes in her sleep and then I take on the burden of that pain.

In reality, the pain of the person that is left behind is only one factor. For example, I take pride in being a good dad but I'm not as good of a father as she was a mother. For my child's sake, it would have been better for it to have been me. Then there's the actual way it happened but that doesn't really relate to order.

You're ok to speak about your religious beliefs if you want. I don't want people "preaching" or arguing about religion but bringing it up in the right context is fine. There just aren't normally a lot of good reasons to bring it up on a football message board :lol:

Thank you and thank you for saying so. I've always respected your thoughts and views as well. I do try my best to keep things "clean" here. From no ads to keeping conversation civil. There are enough people yelling at each other online, I really just want this to be a place where friends talk about football and, yes, argue ... but in a good way.

I'm trying to dive into the season. Last year the season started about a month later so it was ... not a cheerful season :P
allday1991 wrote: Thu Aug 31, 2023 6:27 am Sending my prayers
Thank you.
Thaumaturgist wrote: Thu Aug 31, 2023 7:31 am Cliff,

I'm so very grateful that you've given us a place to come, chat/complain/cheer about the team we love... At least on most days. I know that not many of us know each other, but I hope I'm not alone in saying I feel like this is my Vikings family. We have our ups and downs, we get annoyed with each other at times, but at the end of the day, we all want what's best for each other.

I've been married 27 years, I can't even imagine what you went through, and have to go through every day. Stay strong for yourself, and for your little one! I know we at times can seem like a bunch of toddlers, so it's good you have experience with that! My thoughts are with you, and if you ever need anything, reach out.
You're very welcome and I agree.

It's been pretty awful for sure, but the little one definitely keeps me moving. Keeps me distracted, provides basically any happiness I have these days, and forces me to take care of myself to be here for him. Without him I would have self-destructed for sure.

Thank you, I appreciate that.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Barry »

Cliff, I'm sure I'm not the only one that doesn't have the words to express our sorrow for you and your situation.
Stay strong, and thanks for all you do.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by fiestavike »

God bless your family Cliff. May her memory and her life in God be eternal.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by Crax »

Cliff,

Sorry to hear that. I'm sure financially it is probably tough as well. My wife had cervical cancer quite a few years ago and we were able to treat it so she is healthy(ish) today, but still ended up owing the hospitals 35k after insurance(and some of it being written off by the hospitals). We were lucky in many ways, but for awhile there between treatments and everything else, things were tough.

I hope over time that things will gradually get a bit more tolerable for you.

I'm sure others would volunteer to help mod the board if you felt you needed help as an alternative to shutting down. I can volunteer to mod as well, but I am not as prolific of a poster as many, but consider myself pretty fair.
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Re: Personal Stuff

Post by VikingsVictorious »

Cliff I want to add my heartfelt sympathy. It's so hard to deal with. A Christian singer Randy Stonehill wrote a song about losing his sister with a line "This life is but a moment in the morning of my day"