Deadspin: Why Your Team Sucks "2013 Vikings"

[NextQuestion]

I love this series and it's especially great since Drew is from MN. One of my quotes made it in this year but I wrote a much longer, raw, and pissed of rant. Glad he still used part of it though:

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks ... 1139983032

p.s. the Packers one is hilarious. Seems like they've got some level headed fans

[yezzir]

Funny stuff. Deadspin is great.

[Texas Vike]

I love this series and it's especially great since Drew is from MN. One of my quotes made it in this year but I wrote a much longer, raw, and pissed of rant. Glad he still used part of it though:

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks ... 1139983032

p.s. the Packers one is hilarious. Seems like they've got some level headed fans

It’s like putting an Italian cruise ship captain in charge of Seal Team Six. Christian Ponder is a nice fellow, but when third-and-long arrives and he drops back, I spend half a minute praying he doesn’t actually release the ball. I just want him to curl underneath a defensive end so that Blair Walsh can attempt a 90-yard field goal.

[Texas Vike]

Some of the emails are pretty solid too:

The very soul of Vikings fandom is the persistent knowledge that things only get better for this team as a means of hurting us even more. We are actually better off when they suck because we can gulp down Grain Belts and whine about the team along with our wall-to-wall negative local sports media. When the Vikings are actually good we all suffer from sudden, collective amnesia and give them our hearts anew only have them spat on by dumb penalties, terrible coaching, poor play, fluke occurrences, and incompetent refereeing at the worst possible moments.

We just gave a guy who was found guilty of racketeering charges in a botched real estate deal $498 million dollars to build a stadium that looks like the Jawa Sandcrawler.

[Funkytown]

This is hilarious. Thanks for posting.

My favorite is probably:

The Vikings’ offensive coordinator is Bill Musgrave. Here now is Bill Musgrave’s playbook in its entirety:

1. Cutback run
2. Hey, that worked good! Do that again!
3. Pass-type thing

Pass-type thing. Yesssss!

[Hunter Morrow]

Quick one liners

"The most experienced player on the Vikings secondary is Chris Cook. His career stats are two arrests and zero interceptions."

"Daunte Culpepper's knee exploded 8 years ago and we haven't found an even league average replacement."

"The Vikings are the 7th winningest franchise with the second most playoff appearances but we don't even have one Super Bowl win.
It takes effort to suck that much."

[NextQuestion]

lol

"We cut the only professional athlete with half a brain to speak out in defense of basic human rights because we all know how distracting respecting others can be".

Also, from the Seahawks one:

"You realize the Seahawks have actually retired the number 12 for “The Fan”?

Also, the Seahawks uniform looks like what would happen if you microwaved a Smurf."

[Hunter Morrow]

The article was right when it said this...

"Perhaps the worst thing about being a Vikings fan now is the quarterback. Any positive statement about the Vikings can be negated by saying
'Yeah, but Ponder sucks.' "

I'm going to try it out now...

"Jeff Locke just put his 19th punt or kick within 5 yards of the end zone. He's been nailing people to the cross all season!"
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

"Our secondary is improved and Sharif Floyd is what we've needed ever since Pat Williams retired. Jared Allen is 110 percent
and just got his 16th sack!"
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

"Blair Walsh just hit his 20th 50 yarder in 2 seasons. He could be playing at this level for us for the next decade!"
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

"Adrian Peterson just had a 250 yard game."
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

[NextQuestion]

The article was right when it said this...

"Perhaps the worst thing about being a Vikings fan now is the quarterback. Any positive statement about the Vikings can be negated by saying
'Yeah, but Ponder sucks.' "

I'm going to try it out now...

"Jeff Locke just put his 19th punt or kick within 5 yards of the end zone. He's been nailing people to the cross all season!"
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

"Our secondary is improved and Sharif Floyd is what we've needed ever since Pat Williams retired. Jared Allen is 110 percent
and just got his 16th sack!"
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

Well, Drew is very correct with that!

"Blair Walsh just hit his 20th 50 yarder in 2 seasons. He could be playing at this level for us for the next decade!"
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."

"Adrian Peterson just had a 250 yard game."
"Yeah, but Ponder sucks."