Vikings Message Board.Com

Cliff,

I hope that in these difficult days you are able to find peace, while knowing that that may take time. Lean on loved ones; they want to help. I wish the best with your child, too. Your words about how great of a mother your wife was hit me hard. It is heartening to see the words of support from the community here. It's a testament to the work you have put in to build this community. Please let us know if we can help. My deepest condolences.

I just read this thread, it brought back memories and feelings that I had 27 months ago when I lost my wife of nearly 35 years to brain cancer. I am still trying to figure everything out and still have everyday things that pop up and remind me of her and how much she did for me. She became a Vikings fan because of me as well as my middle son and daughter, but she really went along with it just because it was something we could all enjoy or complain about together. The grief eases some with time, but I don't think it will ever completely end. Please don't be afraid to seek support, I kept telling myself that I could handle this on my own, but I realized that is a very difficult path to travel by yourself. My sincere condolences to you and your family and thank you for all do on this site.

Husker Vike wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 7:28 pm I just read this thread, it brought back memories and feelings that I had 27 months ago when I lost my wife of nearly 35 years to brain cancer. I am still trying to figure everything out and still have everyday things that pop up and remind me of her and how much she did for me. She became a Vikings fan because of me as well as my middle son and daughter, but she really went along with it just because it was something we could all enjoy or complain about together. The grief eases some with time, but I don't think it will ever completely end. Please don't be afraid to seek support, I kept telling myself that I could handle this on my own, but I realized that is a very difficult path to travel by yourself. My sincere condolences to you and your family and thank you for all do on this site.

It seems like you are coping wisely. I know you miss her. My sincere condolences.

My sincere condolences Cliff. The feelings of loss never do go away. My wife of 25 years passed away from brain cancer in 2007. At the time my 6 kids ranged in age from 8 to 23. My older daughters were a big help during her 22 month battle. But I think about her every day as I’m sure you do. Thanks for sharing your story and providing us with this forum as an escape from more important things in life.

Cliff

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. There's nothing more painful and life changing than losing a spouse.

Know one really knows how hard it is until it happens to you.

I'm sure everyone has given you their two cents the past year on how to deal, what to feel, etc...

What ever you're doing now, however you're dealing with your loss, it's the right thing to do. Everyone grieves at their own pace, their own way.

Be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you and your family..





I've been very negative of this team since Cousins, but I'm going to allow myself to cheer this year. win it for Cliff!

Cliff wrote: ↑Thu Aug 31, 2023 9:43 am

psjordan wrote: ↑Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:07 pm Oh my Cliff, my deepest sympathies. This is a scenario I think of often, and I'm not sure where the fortitude to move on will come from if and when I have to face it. I will think of you and your child often. Thank you for all you've done here for this community.

Thank you. I think you have to have something that you feel is worth actually moving through life for. I'm not sure when or if I'll "move on", but I'm starting to get "used to it" I guess you could say. My brain is more accepting that she's not coming back.

Some say you never "move on" but just move forward

Very sorry to hear this Cliff.

Barry wrote: ↑Thu Aug 31, 2023 12:18 pm Cliff, I'm sure I'm not the only one that doesn't have the words to express our sorrow for you and your situation.
Stay strong, and thanks for all you do.

Thank you and you're welcome.

fiestavike wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 7:21 am God bless your family Cliff. May her memory and her life in God be eternal.

Thank you, her memory will definitely always be with me.

Crax wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 9:25 am Cliff,

Sorry to hear that. I'm sure financially it is probably tough as well. My wife had cervical cancer quite a few years ago and we were able to treat it so she is healthy(ish) today, but still ended up owing the hospitals 35k after insurance(and some of it being written off by the hospitals). We were lucky in many ways, but for awhile there between treatments and everything else, things were tough.

I hope over time that things will gradually get a bit more tolerable for you.

I'm sure others would volunteer to help mod the board if you felt you needed help as an alternative to shutting down. I can volunteer to mod as well, but I am not as prolific of a poster as many, but consider myself pretty fair.

Thank you. I'm glad that your wife is healthy today that sounds like it was pretty rough. Financially I'm in a fortunate position due to my wife's planning. I haven't had to worry about money on top of everything else. She actually worked for one of the major health insurance companies. On top of having a good plan she paid for special cancer coverage. I never received a bill from our hospital of any kind but on top of our coverage we were only there for about 2 weeks total. Things happened too fast for treatments to get too complicated and expensive. Anyway, of all the things I'm having to worry about luckily money isn't one of them.

I appreciate that. One thing this experience has taught me is that the community basically takes care of itself. Though when things get busy I may need to adjust that.

VikingsVictorious wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 10:45 am Cliff I want to add my heartfelt sympathy. It's so hard to deal with. A Christian singer Randy Stonehill wrote a song about losing his sister with a line "This life is but a moment in the morning of my day"

Thank you. I'll give the song a listen.

Texas Vike wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 1:27 pm Cliff,

I hope that in these difficult days you are able to find peace, while knowing that that may take time. Lean on loved ones; they want to help. I wish the best with your child, too. Your words about how great of a mother your wife was hit me hard. It is heartening to see the words of support from the community here. It's a testament to the work you have put in to build this community. Please let us know if we can help. My deepest condolences.

Thanks a lot. I really can't say too much about how good of a mom she was. I feel lucky to be a part of our little community here, everyone has been very kind.

Husker Vike wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 7:28 pm I just read this thread, it brought back memories and feelings that I had 27 months ago when I lost my wife of nearly 35 years to brain cancer. I am still trying to figure everything out and still have everyday things that pop up and remind me of her and how much she did for me. She became a Vikings fan because of me as well as my middle son and daughter, but she really went along with it just because it was something we could all enjoy or complain about together. The grief eases some with time, but I don't think it will ever completely end. Please don't be afraid to seek support, I kept telling myself that I could handle this on my own, but I realized that is a very difficult path to travel by yourself. My sincere condolences to you and your family and thank you for all do on this site.

I'm so sorry to read this. We were married 12 years but she had been my best friend for 20. We met when we were 19 so she's kind of baked into who I am as a person. Her being a Vikings fan was similar to how you describe your wife's fandom - she was really in it for me.

I see what you mean about the grief. For me so far the grief isn't lessening as much as I'm getting used to it. Maybe that's splitting hairs. It's like if you're whipped on the same place every day the scaring eventually deadens it. The whip isn't coming down any less hard, but the skin there is thicker.

I started seeing a therapist pretty immediately but I don't think she ever really helped, if I'm being honest. Focusing on my son and keeping busy has been what's helped me most. My life is so full of distractions that I literally don't have time in a lot of my day to allow myself to feel my feelings. I kind of break down when I get time to myself. I don't really know if that's healthy or not but I don't have much of a choice so onward I go.

Thanks again and I'm sorry as well, I'm glad you're pushing on too.

ERIK the PURPLE wrote: ↑Fri Sep 01, 2023 9:18 pm My sincere condolences Cliff. The feelings of loss never do go away. My wife of 25 years passed away from brain cancer in 2007. At the time my 6 kids ranged in age from 8 to 23. My older daughters were a big help during her 22 month battle. But I think about her every day as I’m sure you do. Thanks for sharing your story and providing us with this forum as an escape from more important things in life.

Thank you and I'm sorry to read that. I can definitely see the feeling of loss staying long term. She was such a big part of my life not only as my wife but as my best friend through my more "developmental" years. We met when we were 19 and lived together even though we weren't actually together until 7-8 years later. We kind of learned life together.

I'm glad you had your daughters to help you through it all. I was lucky enough to have family helping me too. Her mom and dad and some other family were helping my mom look after our boy and home while I stayed with her in the hospital. Thanks to them she never spent more than 5 or 10 minutes by herself in there. We didn't have a long battle, and if I'm being honest I wish we would have never even tried to "battle". It just made things worse for us and actually ended up reducing our time together, but that's another story.

Thanks again and you're welcome.

808vikingsfan wrote: ↑Sat Sep 02, 2023 5:36 pm Cliff

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. There's nothing more painful and life changing than losing a spouse.

Know one really knows how hard it is until it happens to you.

I'm sure everyone has given you their two cents the past year on how to deal, what to feel, etc...

What ever you're doing now, however you're dealing with your loss, it's the right thing to do. Everyone grieves at their own pace, their own way.

Be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you and your family..


I've been very negative of this team since Cousins, but I'm going to allow myself to cheer this year. win it for Cliff!

Thank you for your words. People offer their advice and I certainly take it but you're correct, in the end you're going to grieve the way you're going to grieve. Some of those tips can come in handy tho.

I hope they do! Last year was starting to feel like they were going to be able to do it. I know if she could physically impact our world as a ghost helping the Vikings squeak out victories probably isn't high on her list of things to do, but it was nice to think about anyway.

808vikingsfan wrote: ↑Sun Sep 03, 2023 4:54 am

Cliff wrote: ↑Thu Aug 31, 2023 9:43 am Thank you. I think you have to have something that you feel is worth actually moving through life for. I'm not sure when or if I'll "move on", but I'm starting to get "used to it" I guess you could say. My brain is more accepting that she's not coming back.

Some say you never "move on" but just move forward

Good video. Yeah, the phrase "get over it" is definitely not something I identify with though I know people don't mean it the way it can feel. I'm half moving forward by force, half standing still. Part of me is taking care of my son and making sure he experiences new things. This forces me to have a certain mentality, get out of the house, and partake in activities. Part of me lives in a time where she was still here.

JJBreaksRecords wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 12:09 pm Very sorry to hear this Cliff.

Thank you.

I have not lost a wife, but I lost my big brother in the summer of '94 just before my freshman year in high school, and sadly my father to suicide a few years back.

I can say it's nothing that goes away. I still have bad days missing my big bro and we're pushing 30 years. Geeze, time is a mother!

But it DOES get easier. That sadness slowly fades and are replaced by great memories of happier times. It will make you a better father, a better person overall, and if you ever decide on another relationship down the road, it will make you a better partner. You have perspective that not everyone has, and you're going to get a new found appreciation of people, relationships, and life in general.

My condolences to you and your family. Hopefully you take a little solace knowing you got a huge group of guys that have your back in this #### time of your life. Day by day brother!

Skol!