VMB

Run into some old friends from another group or board? Want to do a little schmoozing, talk over old times? Or just some off topic stuff, then this is the place.

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purple guy
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VMB

Post by purple guy » Mon Jan 09, 2012 8:10 pm

Ill start with an appology, if this is inappropriate, MODS delete it. Looking for advise if anyone has been in a similiar situation, what to say/do.

I am part of a very close family. My Mom has been diagnosed with cancer, for the 3rd time. It freaking sucks. Im not sure what to say, what is the right thing to do, ect. Talk about it, ignore it, listen, talk??? I feel helpless. I make sure she knows I love her and Im here, but it seems like not enough. I was raised to make the most out of the hand you were delt, but this is about the hand my Mom was delt, as close as we are, I feel terrible for not knowing what to say/do.

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HornedMessiah
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Re: VMB

Post by HornedMessiah » Mon Jan 09, 2012 8:51 pm

purple guy wrote:I make sure she knows I love her and Im here, but it seems like not enough.
That's good, but beyond that what can you really do? I think it's natural to have a feeling of hopelessness in that situation, because it's not something you can easily fix. Maybe talk with the rest of your family to make sure everyone is on the same page and maintains a positive attitude, especially when talking with her. If she gets irritable or angry with you/others, stay positive and try to imagine things from her perspective. Help out with little things if you can (do you live nearby?)

Has she been diagnosed with the same kind of cancer each time?

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purple guy
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Re: VMB

Post by purple guy » Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:08 pm

HornedMessiah wrote: That's good, but beyond that what can you really do? I think it's natural to have a feeling of hopelessness in that situation, because it's not something you can easily fix. Maybe talk with the rest of your family to make sure everyone is on the same page and maintains a positive attitude, especially when talking with her. If she gets irritable or angry with you/others, stay positive and try to imagine things from her perspective. Help out with little things if you can (do you live nearby?)

Has she been diagnosed with the same kind of cancer each time?

Thanks, I ll do my best. No. Its been 2 different kinds. But this one sucks cuz radiation isnt an option, she has had all of that she can have. Its tough, sucks.

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S197
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Re: VMB

Post by S197 » Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:21 pm

Very sorry to hear about your mom. I'm by no means a professional in this area but to me, it sounds like you're doing the right things. You're providing support and love, which I think is a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for. If this is her 3rd diagnosis, she's clearly a fighter and the best thing to do is support her in that fight whether that be helping her to keep a positive attitude or just making the most of your time together.

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Re: VMB

Post by BGM » Mon Jan 09, 2012 10:08 pm

purple guy wrote:Ill start with an appology, if this is inappropriate, MODS delete it. Looking for advise if anyone has been in a similiar situation, what to say/do.

I am part of a very close family. My Mom has been diagnosed with cancer, for the 3rd time. It freaking sucks. Im not sure what to say, what is the right thing to do, ect. Talk about it, ignore it, listen, talk??? I feel helpless. I make sure she knows I love her and Im here, but it seems like not enough. I was raised to make the most out of the hand you were delt, but this is about the hand my Mom was delt, as close as we are, I feel terrible for not knowing what to say/do.
The fact you are even asking these questions shows where your heart is. It sounds like you have a close enough relationship that ignoring it would not be a good option. Be there, listen, do what you can. And also, find ways to keep some joy happening. Laugh, have fun, and do "normal" things that you do with your mom. Living with cancer is not all about the cancer, it's all about the living. That sounds cheesy, but it's true.

I know we're just acquaintances here on VMB, but feel free to vent if you have to.
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vikeinmontana
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Re: VMB

Post by vikeinmontana » Mon Jan 09, 2012 10:45 pm

sorry to hear about your troubles PG. i'll just echo what others have said. it sounds like you're going about things the right way. doesn't do any good to ignore the situation because it's not going away. take it on full steam just as your mother seems to be doing. and positivity helps. sure, just hoping every morning that the cancer goes away isn't going to make it happen....just like hoping the vikes win a superbowl isn't going to make it happen. but positivity is contageous. people feed off it. it makes even the worst of situations seem manageable. keep living your life, and help your mom live hers too. be there for her and all of your family.

just keep your head up man. :thumbsup:
i'm ready for a beer.

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HornedMessiah
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Re: VMB

Post by HornedMessiah » Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:11 pm

BGM wrote:Laugh, have fun, and do "normal" things that you do with your mom. Living with cancer is not all about the cancer, it's all about the living. That sounds cheesy, but it's true.
This is some great advice.

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Re: VMB

Post by PurpleMustReign » Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:38 pm

Man, I am sorry to hear about this...
Like they said before, just try to be as normal as you can! Laugh, have fun, and just spend time with her. I hope she can recover from this!! I will say some prayers for you and your mom!
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Re: VMB

Post by viking_guy » Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:57 pm

sorry to hear about your mom. I lost mine to cancer 5 years ago. if there is one thing i can suggest is to spend as much time as you can with her and don't forget to hug her and tell her you love her.
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purple guy
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Re: VMB

Post by purple guy » Wed Jan 11, 2012 5:30 pm

Thanks for the reply guys. Not a good time for our family right now.

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Re: VMB

Post by PurpleMustReign » Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:54 am

Hey, PG, how are things going with your mom?
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purple guy
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Re: VMB

Post by purple guy » Thu Feb 16, 2012 3:59 pm

PurpleMustReign wrote:Hey, PG, how are things going with your mom?
Well, she got as good of news as she could. After surgery at her follow up with her onacologist (sp??) he determined no chemo is necessary, which is terrific, she had that the previous times and it is horrible. She is a little down, obviously, but improving and by all accounts seemed to be local, lymphnodes were negetive, and they believe they got it all, so no news with cancer is ever good, but this seems to be turning out as good as it could, considering! Thanks for asking.

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Re: VMB

Post by dead_poet » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:10 pm

purple guy wrote: Well, she got as good of news as she could. After surgery at her follow up with her onacologist (sp??) he determined no chemo is necessary, which is terrific, she had that the previous times and it is horrible. She is a little down, obviously, but improving and by all accounts seemed to be local, lymphnodes were negetive, and they believe they got it all, so no news with cancer is ever good, but this seems to be turning out as good as it could, considering! Thanks for asking.
That's awesome! Glad to hear!
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Re: VMB

Post by vikeinmontana » Fri Feb 17, 2012 1:01 pm

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
i'm ready for a beer.

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Re: VMB

Post by PurpleMustReign » Fri Feb 17, 2012 1:12 pm

Glad to hear, I hope things continue to improve!
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